Begins at a time I don't even remember...my affinity towards my neighbor...Back then it seemed simple enough.My classmate in 4th grade...my playmates-him,my and his brother . Practically living with each other a stranger would say but it was more like siblings . Coming home together after church laughing and having a great time.Fighting and crying and cheating and feeling guilty. But somehow it seemed a little more than all that. Little jealousy running me around when he laughs with other girls. A green eyed monster living in him when I'd grow a little taller ,get more marks in school or cathecism. Something else remained but who knew how it would end?
Even though most of the innocence left it still continued until.....he left for studying 11th in India. Though I was mocked at and jeered at by my friends and neighbour's equally saying I had something for him....but when he left that's when I knew I had... he was my crush and has been all this time...but never bothered to inform when he returned or left....left....the day my heart broke...I cried my heart out seeing him leave. I never missed anyone so much in my life even when my friends left....but this was more than I could take...every night before going to sleep he'd fill my thoughts...never let me sleep and always flooded my dreams with his images...
Slowly as it wears off as I force myself to like other guys, he returns!!...he says he hasn't been on his best behaviour...indulging in drugs and alcohol and cigarettes...partying and sports all the time...he had the time of his life when I was suffering trying to get him outta my head..and so I start ignoring him...
But it all changed when I see him often when I go or come back for tuitions... We shared just one tution but we were in different batches. He starts calling me up asking me doubts and questions of test he's gonna have the next day...i tell him even though I think it's better for him if he actually studies...I guess deep inside I just wanted to talk to him...then he starts calling me everyday and when school is off for study holidays for our major AISSCE which determines which college we go to...he suggests according to his mom to have a group study just the both of us...but I wasn't sure...my parents werent in best of terms with them...I guess they heard about what he used to do back in India. So I ask him to come in the mornings when my parents go for work...but he never showed the least interest in studies....we would always end up talking how much ever I insisted in getting back to studies. He was the one of the few in front of whom I could show my real face and not wear the fake mask like for everybody else...i was eager to show him who I really am...it didn't come quite like how I wanted...but I'd still make an effort...but he never let's anything out..till I became vulnerable...my mask was off...
He asks me if I have a crush on someone whose surname starts with 'm'....i said yes cause my previous crush did and apparently he did to...so u see how vulnerable I was...he knows I had a crush on him but I don't...
I only know he did have a crush on me when I was small...heard that from my other neighbor...i dint see why she was telling me that....
I thought he came over mostly because if he stayed home he would just end up studying while his mom yelled at him in the background for the slightest of mistakes in her high pitched scream which could even be heard at the first floor...a common reminder for the building of the fireworks he got ...but then again...he would also call at night..talk for an hour...telling his mom he was asking a doubt or sneak around to make a call...it went on till the exams...always called me before our exam except for my last bio which he did not take while he still had one more exam to go.I go for a sleepover to my neighbor Christa's place instead...next day was his last exam. She had to start up the car since her dad is outta town so I end up going with her to the car park which can be viewed from 'his' Window...I'm out I hear someone calling out to me...turn to realize it was him and his brother asking me to pay the cash he gave me to the guy in the next building and get the stuff...thought it might be cigarettes or its like...so I hesitate but still go on...for a chips packet!!! I go back giving it to them when his mom comes to the windows screaming at me telling that he has his boards tomorrow and was trying to put them to sleep while I'm coming to talk.... like it was my fault...wrong place wrong time...dumbstruck I insist that I wasn't at fault but she pays no heed and goes straight out the other ear...i walk off back to the car...giving the chips back to the guy...seemed they were short on some amount..thats the last time I see him...
I go for movies and enjoy with my homies...and get a call from him...asking for the money while I give curt replies cause I was having a bad day...Christa's dog chewed my specs...no longer having its shape...i lie to my parents that I broke it...didn't want to go fighting with Christa's family...so bad day...plus I came late that day and I was to India in 2days so my dad was furious...i guess he didn't want me to go...
The day before I leave on chat I tell him that he doesn't care...while he let's out he came to see me but I was out...i burst into an array of apologies
Now we just chat which almost stopped too...shortest chat was when he says that he heard I was going out with a guy in lungi(cloth wrapped around waist) ...i text him asking what's his problem....he says he gtg...there he goes again breaking my heart...
Now I take a pledge never to remove my mask for anyone..they won't accept me...but I will to you...
And I decided I'm never gonna chat with him unless he starts the conversation every single time....and give him late replies....
